Author: Eloise Kneadly

Eloise Kneadly’s Terrible, Terrible Existence

So, I’ve been trying to channel my frustration on the world productively. Here it is, world: a blog.

Background to contextualize my life:

I’m going to try to keep this short because this is the boring part.

My full name is Eloise Kneadly and I’m a 17 -year-old freshman at a small liberal arts college in the rural Midwest. Perhaps it’s not quite as rural as I describe it, but I’m from the heart of Manhattan in NYC, so my urban nationalism has me half expecting people to pull up to campus in tractors.

My senior year kind of sucked, but that’s for another blog post. To summarize it in 10 words:

changing schools, bad boyfriends, stalking, blackmail, fighting, too much drama

Considering all of that, when I got to college, forgive me for expecting high-school to be over. I thought I was past all of that needless adolescent bickering and on to bigger and better things.

To sort of reinvent the Eloise we’ve all come to know and love, and separate myself into a new, god-like, perfect female, I came up with the name Luna, and decided I would go by that for my new Middle-American life. Luna was to be everything Lola wasn’t (Lola is the nickname my best friends and family call me by): kind, patient, hard-working, a good student, popular. The kind of girl everyone, including me, wants to be. It would be time consuming, but to achieve the sort of infectious popularity I’d seen other girls so effortlessly emit would scratch off a checkbox on my teen-movie fantasy bucket list.

I thought it would be easier to explain if I pretended that Luna was my middle name, but it’s just something I heard, liked, and then claimed. There was this movie that had come out earlier this year with a main character named Luna, and they described her in the trailer as such: LUNA FEELS EVERYTHING

I severely identified with Luna’s emotional wreckage. It was a way I could still keep some of Lola in my new identity, and I quickly decided to take up this new demeanor.

So this is where I’m going to complain about the first-world hardships Eloise, Lola, and Luna all have to face. Maybe now the world won’t feel so lonely?